In the context of world affairs, this has been a good month for me. Ukraine and Russia and Gaza and Israel have millions whose lives are profoundly more difficult than mine. It puts things in perspective for me.
I can enumerate the good things: health, romance, steady employment, financial security.
I watched many in my family and at my job come down with CoViD, strep, and other ailments, while I remained healthy. Notably, it was revealed to me that a couple members of my extended family came down with increasing dementia and significant prostate cancer. This will change how I deal with them. Our tumultuous relations now have context.
My relationship with my girlfriend has escalated to the point where I have met all her kids, and her ex husband, whom I shook hands with. I come precariously close to telling her I love her, which I do. Fear holds me back.
Jobs give me hours enough to generate positive cash flow even under the yoke of the unnecessary child support payments I am obliged to send.
My investments are spotty, generating significant income even as the value of the principle wavers. I need to keep vigilant, and rejigger things where appropriate. I have stumbled recently.
I can enumerate the bad things in my life: family discord, and the state of our country.
Within my immediate family, I have little say over how my kids are raised due to the unfair court ruling on custody. My ex indulged and coddled my kids and consequently alienated them from me. I am more strict. It doesn't take rocket science to predict which parent kids will gravitate to under these circumstances. It is very frustrating to see things unfold which I oppose, but cannot prevent from happening.
Extended family has gotten into the act lately. I have a "step parent" who will gather my kids together without my knowledge and proceed to belittle and badmouth me in front of them. This cannot stand. I have little control as the non-custodial parent.
I worry about the collective hedonism of our society at a time when we should be scaling back our rapaciousness in the face of environmental catastrophe. I am apparently alone in my worries. If the subject comes up in a direct manner, it is dismissed as "well, I can't make a difference, so why try?" This apathy eats to the very core of my soul, and is very painful emotionally.
I'm glad I have coping mechanisms: Sex, exercise, and music.
Until I type again next month, good bye.
