Cycling and Divorce

I hinted earlier in this blog that my wife and I were having problems stemming in part from my cycling. I am an avid cyclist. Period. She worked for many years, at times seeming enthusiastic, at her cycling. About a year ago all that changed. Why? Outside influences? Probably. Spontaneous sea-change in her outlook on life? Possibly.

I reacted badly to this. If I could have just cheerfully soldiered on with her switching to the ol' wheelchair with doors for her short travels, perhaps things would be different today.

There are other issues of course known (my desire for a simple comforable modest life, hers for a more glamorous indulgent lifestyle for instance), and unknown (another man discreetly waiting in the wings, who knows? she had an affair years earlier).

This divorce is the worst pain I have ever felt. Worse than the struggles I was involved in when my parents had their own ugly split. It is daggers in my gut and mustard gas in my lungs. Worry deprives me of sleep.

My once reasonable wife goes on what seems to be anguished crying jags which turn out to be calculated efforts on me to let my guard down. Then she lays into me verbally with some of the most comtemptuous vitriol I have ever heard spoken against me. I have to admire her cleverness in her put downs. She speaks in elliptical sentences, which imply I am an irresponsible, indigent bum incapable of raising my own children. She is deceptive and manipulative.

My God this Hurts!!!

I am going to sit Shiva on this marriage for a good long time before I even THINK about mixing it up with another female. "Never trust a creature which bleeds but doesn't die." Is that statement Bad Taste? Yes, but I understand where it is coming from.

Mayhem

No sooner do I post about how generally courteous drivers (and their passengers) have been, then I have 4 run-ins with assholes in 24 hours while out cycling.

Idiot #1 license # EXN-6150 red SUV/mini-van just flat out RUNS a red light making a left turn while I am cycling in the opposite direction.

Idiot(s) #2 Gray Pontiac Grand Prix (memorized, then forgot the plate number) full of hare-brained highschool college folk open their windows and scream scream sceam at me as they go by.

Idiot #3 Dark hatchback (this is at night) left turns in front of me, causing me to stop to avoid a collision. Drunk passenger yells at me. By this time, I would not be surprised if there was a forming conspiracy against me!

Idiot #4 Pick up truck passenger yells at me to get off the road. License plate obscured by heavy, tailgating traffic.

They closed a busy bridge recently, which has been ticking drivers off. Perhaps they are looking to vent fustrations, and I am an outlet for them.

Great Fall Weather = Lots of Cycling

Been a quiet month. Just the occasional obtuse and aggressive move by temporarily thoughtless people. Didn't inspire me enough to even remember a license plate #. The most memorable mix-up was with a DirectTV van running a stop sign at William St and Pulteney. Missed me by "that much". Even then, I saw it coming and wouldnt've allowed a crash.

The weather was stellar.

I have much bigger fish to fry in my life than road incidents nowadays. Holding the marriage and the family together really is, and always should be, #1.

Second encounter with the Foreigner, and more.

I decided to get an extra workout in before heading off to the beach a couple weeks ago. On the road to Watkins Glen, a 45 mile round trip, I ran into a gray-haired gentleman on a folding bike. I believe it was the guy on the bike path we encountered earlier. We were both on the correct side of the road this time, and with no quarrels, we greeted each other cordially.

Unfortunately, these last couple of weeks yielded more than their fair share of cat-callers and stop-sign runners. The incidents took place on Centerway (unintelligible insults from some young passengers in an older compact SUV), the Walmart parking lot (stop-sign runner in a red Pontiac Grand Prix with PA plates, by the Painted Post Sunoco (Corning Natural Gas company employee in a compact sedan near-miss on a hurried left turn into the gas station). And there were others!

I've been putting myself out there more often, with 15 miles a day of commuting/errands lately, 7 days a week.

I use my bike whenever possible, damn the sticks-in-the-mud! Go forth, and do likewise.

Weird encounter with a foreigner

I was cycling along our town's main bike path with my two kids when this funny gentleman, with a British Commonwealth accent, on a foldable bike, pulls up behind me, and announces he is going to pass on my right. He says this more than once. I move left as he attempts to pass on my left (not my right as he announced he would), and I run him off the path. He then castigates me - "you understand English!?" I respond "You said you'd pass on the right then you went left. YOU LIE!" And off he went. Silly helmet, tiny wheels and all.

Must have been a disoriented Brit, used to driving on the left side of the road, unsuccessfully coping with our backwards traffic system.

Quiet Summer

No real problems this past month. Some delinquent in a compact SUV, windows down, babbled something incoherent at me and my son biking to the store. Other than that, mainly courteous drivers.

Read somewhere that Americans are using 25 million gallons less gasoline per day than they were 5 years ago. That is encouraging. Look forward to the day when gasoline is just some lunatic fringe boutique fuel, and the hydro/nuclear/solar/wind/biomass/geothermal complex is the mainstream for our transportation needs.

Continuing Struggle

The weather has gotten hotter. We passed through a rainy period, my family (4 kids) and I. We biked hard, avoiding the afternoon thunderstorms using luck and guile.

WIth the hotter weather, there are more open windows, and more irritated drivers, unhappy that they have to "share" the road with other vehicles like bikes. So we got a few honks and dirty looks since my last entry. Annoying, yes. This sort of thing is inevitable, given the state of humanity.

And, of course, we get our fair share of right hooks by inattentive/defiant drivers that we avoid. Too many to remember all at once in this entry, but not so many that I would have to take off my shoes to count all the incidents.

It can be frustrating, this cycling in traffic. So frustrating that my wife, who used to join us regularly in our cycling efforts, has given up. She refuses to cycle any more. Rightly or wrongly, I feel hurt and abandoned by her decision. We have done this together for years, but now, no more. Sitting in the car is not the same. Guzzling gasoline, when I don't have to, just doesn't feel right to me, nor should it to anyone, who is properly concerned about what sort of future our kids will inherit from us, and our energy-profligate ways.

So I soldier on, often with the kids, who do not understand as I do, but are mostly willing to go along for the ride. I, alone, may not make a difference. But one million more of me, perhaps. The "White Rose" movement in Germany to subvert Hitler and his Holocaust dreams made no difference. Does this mean they shouldn't have tried? I say it's better to try and fail than to not try at all. So I'll keep trying!

Finally some action...

When it rains, it pours.

First, I was biking back home through the bar district (it's a small town, so the "district" really is 3-4 bars clustered at a small crossroads). from work at a quarter to one in the morning. There were 3 or 4 people, drunk, in the middle of the street, yelling epithets and threats at one another. I just came off a downhill and wanted to preserve my momentum, so I blew by the first group, who had no time to react to me. The second group saw me coming and, all two of them, charged me. Not wanting to expose my flank, I barrelled head-on toward them. Their menacing looks gave way to some sort of surprised fear as they realized I meant to go right through them. They were small and drunk, and in no condition to stop a 200+ pound juggernaut headed straight toward them at 15+ mph. So, they stepped aside and I was on my way. "Shitheads!" I muttered within earshot of them.

I headed back to work on Saturday. I was maintaining a brisk pace on the smooth shoulder of the road when a Ford Expedition, license plate # DSG 9951 (NY), with open windows, slowed, and its occupants spat forth unsolicited advice, telling me to ride on the sidewalk. My discipline held and I was silent, even though I was within a stone's throw of the vehicle for the next mile or so. Probably stupid bored teenagers taking daddy's car out for a spin.

That's it for now. There will surely be more to come, as the busy season for Driving While Stupid (unfortunately perfectly legal) has arrived.

"Open window" season, where folks have their car windows open due to the warm weather and so decide to shout stuff at the bicyclists they pass, has been mild for me so far. Since the last post, I only have had one verbal encounter. It was rather civil. I lost the flag to the bike trailer I use. It blew off in the wind, and when I returned to find it, it was gone; perhaps someone picked it up. So Open Window Guy says quite gently: "You need a flag for your trailer." (we were stopped at a light). I told him it blew off a few days ago. He waved, the light changed, and we parted ways.

I can handle encounters like that.

Other incidences were simply friendly toots from friends and neighbors who I recognized and waved at.

Other than the consistent right hook maneuvers by inattentive motorists, it has been peaceful. I like it!

I can even prevent the right hook from happening by taking the turn lane if I have to. So, even that situation isn't so bothersome as it could be.

The last several weeks have been quiet. No hooting and hollering passengers looking for fights or acting stupid. The right hook remains an constant danger, of which I am fully aware.

The latest perp drove a red pickup license #EXS 7879.

Restraint

Was biking my kid to preschool on the sidewalk of a busy street, and a car leaving the local McDonald's blocked the sidewalk. I remember getting points taken off my driver's test for blocking a sidewalk while stopped at a stop sign. So I am pretty sure that was an illegal maneuver on the driver's part. Seconds later, I was approaching a green light at the next intersection. I looked the driver in the eye as I passed. He looked familiar.

Same vehicle - a subcompact import with the license # FMJ 8966 (NY) - does the "right hook" maneuver. I am going straight, he is turning right. Legally, he yields to me. He saw me twice. He absolutely knew I was there. Yet he did not yield, so I stopped suddenly to avoid injury.

Turns out this road psycho is a clergy at the church which sponsors the very preschool I was taking  my kid!

I didn't raise a fuss. Fighting and confronting just don't appeal to me right now. "Turn the other cheek", I did.

Small world, though. Be careful who you offend, if you live in a small town.

Fell on Bad Days...

When it rains it pours... Wife works overtime, causing extra babysitting for the kids. Letter received from the IRS detailing the extra tax plus penalty we owe. Bicycle gets stripped of everything easily removable while locked up outside where I work. The refrigerator stops running, causing me to scramble to save the week's worth of groceries I just bought.

I am digging myself out of this hole. The frig is running again, mysteriously, after I pulled it out of its nook and cleaned about a pound of concentrated dust from the fan/compressor area. I replaced the key parts of my bike which were stolen with more securely attached components.

The police were friendly enough taking the report, anyway, though I have little hope of catching the thie(ves), who apparently are recorded on my company's surveillance camera film. The stuff they stole was old and worthless, if resale was their goal.

Now - to tackle the IRS...

Weather gets ever warmer, more car windows open. God grant me the serenity to avoid a fight with those random hecklers who will inevitably pop up as I commute by bicycle every day to and from work and errands.

Last couple of weeks I've experienced several aggressive moves by unthinking (selfish) drivers, such as the person driving the silver imported subcompact sports car sporting license plate EXL-3784 (right hand turn attempted as he was passing me - I slowed down to avoid the right hook crash), and the individual behind the wheel of a Jeep SUV, bearing NY plate # F__- 9468, who slammed his foot on the gas and made a left hand turn a mere foot or two from my bow. It's spring. People are feisty. No one shouted any epithets or expletives at me over the past two weeks, though. I got that going for me.

2Apr

Sun's getting warmer, which means more open car windows, which means more stupid passengers, some canine, most human, sticking their heads out the window and shouting something at me which to them is clever, but to me is unintelligible. My usual reaction is to flip them the bird. This year, I resolve to ignore these fools. I resolve to ignore them every year. I am going to try harder this year. Two people are needed for a conflict. Subtracting myself from the situation will reduce the possibility of conflicts, which can escalate out of control.

23Mar

Winter weather dominated this past month, making commutes peaceful, if messy.

Winter commutes by bicycle are quite relaxing and peaceful compared to the wilder, warmer months because drivers and their passengers tend to shut themselves in from the cold. They seem not to have the energy to honk their horns either during this sort of weather.

So, only two run-ins worth mentioning. Even these instances are trivial.

First was at 1AM on a deserted highway while I was on my way home. It was just a prolonged lean on the horn. I had my lights flashing, and was far to the right, riding on the white line. I suppose some people just won't be satisfied until people like me disappear from the roadways. This can't be helped. Fortunately, these people are only a tiny fringe minority of the driving population.

Next was some hotshot SUV crossover, silver, license plate FCW 7784 wanting to turn right in a hurry and very nearly right hooked me. I was cycling west bound in daylight on a main road, again keeping right, on or slightly to the right of the white line. Though he turned into a side road where I could have easily caught him and confronted him, I managed to suppress my inner psychopath and carry on to my destination.

Only two annoyances in a month is awesome! I must be a very courteous cyclist nowadays. I can only hope I keep it up.

25Feb

I go down a long hill from my house to the main road, about half a mile. I travel more or less the speed limit - 30mph.

But the automobiles tend to speed, and today one sped past me less than 100 yards from the stop sign at the bottom of the hill. He stopped suddenly in front of me and simultaneously cut me off by swerving back right as quick as he could, which meant I needed to seek an outlet in the oncoming traffic lane. I could see this was clear, so instead of going in the dirt and brush, I biked into the oncoming lane and shunted myself onto the left sidewalk, biking slowly facing the afternoon rush hour traffic. It would take me 5 minutes to merge back into the right lane and be legal again.

Every day I am tempted to run the stop sign at the bottom of my hill. I have great visibility either direction, about a half mile both ways. Sometimes when there is no traffic near, I do actually run right through it. This is a bad habit, even though this is the only stop sign I do this at. I coast slowly through others, like most automobile drivers do.

Run-ins with drivers 22Feb, 23Feb

22Feb 400PM - Cedar St near Denison Pkwy, I merge out of a driveway into a near stationary queue of cars, hand signal left, and soon turn left into a nearby alley. After I turn, a driver opens his window, and shouts "it's not a fucking sidewalk!". My response: raise middle finger, shout "piss off, asshole!"

Result and comment: 2 pissed off people: one driver, one cyclist. How to improve? Ignore driver issued insults. Continue to follow rules of the road (I was able to safely merge into the near stationary line of cars - perhaps this offended the involved driver - don't merge next time I am in this situation?) Make eye contact with drivers I interact with whenever possible.

23Feb 100AM -  St Rte 352 toward Riverside, lights on, traveling west on the white line which marks the road's shoulder, I observe a passenger open the window of the subcompact car he is riding in, mutter something unintelligable, then close the window quickly (it was cold out). My response: ignore.