Cycling and Divorce

I hinted earlier in this blog that my wife and I were having problems stemming in part from my cycling. I am an avid cyclist. Period. She worked for many years, at times seeming enthusiastic, at her cycling. About a year ago all that changed. Why? Outside influences? Probably. Spontaneous sea-change in her outlook on life? Possibly.

I reacted badly to this. If I could have just cheerfully soldiered on with her switching to the ol' wheelchair with doors for her short travels, perhaps things would be different today.

There are other issues of course known (my desire for a simple comforable modest life, hers for a more glamorous indulgent lifestyle for instance), and unknown (another man discreetly waiting in the wings, who knows? she had an affair years earlier).

This divorce is the worst pain I have ever felt. Worse than the struggles I was involved in when my parents had their own ugly split. It is daggers in my gut and mustard gas in my lungs. Worry deprives me of sleep.

My once reasonable wife goes on what seems to be anguished crying jags which turn out to be calculated efforts on me to let my guard down. Then she lays into me verbally with some of the most comtemptuous vitriol I have ever heard spoken against me. I have to admire her cleverness in her put downs. She speaks in elliptical sentences, which imply I am an irresponsible, indigent bum incapable of raising my own children. She is deceptive and manipulative.

My God this Hurts!!!

I am going to sit Shiva on this marriage for a good long time before I even THINK about mixing it up with another female. "Never trust a creature which bleeds but doesn't die." Is that statement Bad Taste? Yes, but I understand where it is coming from.