Marital Carnage Continues.

Dear (almost ex)Wife

When we met a couple decades ago, we were in love. You knew what I was. I haven't changed much. What happened to you?

Why did you hide the monster within for so long, only to unleash it when we were so far down the road that insane amounts of damage to us and our kids is inevitable? If I had known the ruthless, unscrupulous competitor within you could possibly turn against me, I would have dropped you like a hot potato, and moved on.

Why the false accusations of mental illness? Was it a smokescreen thrown by you and your lawyer to deflect attention from your own shortcomings only long enough for you to gain leverage in this bitter battle you wrought upon all 5 of us? What are you gaining from this? Your increased alcohol consumption certainly isn't out of joy. And sleeping with the first penis to come schlumpfing by after breaking from me certainly isn't cause for any of the family to celebrate. You look in the mirror and continue to see a fat person, and wreck your diet as a consequence, with addictions to caffeine and Senokot. You will deny it all, of course. Addicts always deny.

I want 50% of our marital funds. In addition, I want to retain a fair amount which corresponds to the life savings I grew as a single man which bought our first house. I want to retain the small inheritance I got from my grandfather, so I can continue to grow it and use it for my legacy. You make 3 times as much as I do now, why do you need half of what is not rightly yours? Spousal support and child support payments from you to me certainly wouldn't hurt either.

I never hurt the kids. I encouraged good behavior and good diets and exercise. Unlike you, I set GUIDELINES for them to follow. I was careful in administering medical care - only when needed - your spurious exaggerations to the court notwithstanding. I work one week and take off alternate weeks. I want the children on my off weeks. 50% visitation. I played a huge part in their upbringing and would like to continue to do so. We can do this. We live in the same school district. I have the living space. It will be so much better for them than bouncing around from baby sitter to baby sitter, then living with a strange man old enough to be their grandfather, when they're on your time.

I never forced you to ride your bike EVERYWHERE. I certainly encouraged you to ride whenever possible. You quit when you wanted to. I care about the world I bequeath to my children. We're polluting it so fast right now, there really isn't much hope. Best we can do is lead by example. The excuse "my actions won't make a difference" is pathetic. When it does become too late, and the world as we know it is destroyed, the survivors will look back on us and wonder why we were so stupid. Perhaps my descendants will look back on me as someone who cared, someone with foresight and determination. Seems it is too late for you. You drank the kool-aid of decadence. You are just another black mark of shame among black marks which stain our hedonistic society. My caring about the world I live in is NOT mental illness. It is a VIRTUE meant to be bequeathed to my progeny, for if they don't care, who will? With clear sanity, I choose NOT to follow the decadent herd, on their insane course, over the cliff of oblivion.

Cycling is not only good for the environment, it is safe. It is safe compared to horseback riding. It is safe compared to gymnastics and soccer. I agree children should be exposed to a certain amount of risk so they can learn to get on in this world. There is NOTHING wrong with me taking them for bike rides of any sort, errands or just for fun! How DARE you try to restrict, even eliminate, my chances of having a ride with my own kids!? If I can tolerate you signing them up for all manner of dangerous sports, you can tolerate my cycling with them. It's called COMPROMISE. Get used to it. They're MY kids, too. I'm not going anywhere!

Your sick game-playing with the children, letting them see me, then preventing them from seeing me, using that lame lop-sided court order you gained by dishonest means, will ultimately be held against you. Blackmail might be tolerated in that miserable cess-pool of a country you come from, but it does not go over well in these parts.

I hope that miserable sad-sack of a man you are shacking up with now leaves you soon. I hope this for his sake. No one, not even one as pathetic as he, deserves the eventual tortures of living with a disgusting, lying, vainglorious narcissist like you. The old man will get tired of making you happy (you think we exist to make you happy, but happiness is a choice!), the honeymoon period will wear off, and you will be alone, and the world will be a better place for it.

Your warped views on marriage and religion will eventually be outed, and the people at our old congregation will eventually find out the real you. Some of them already have, but are keeping their judgements to themselves as good Christians do. Be honest with yourself. Be the Atheist you really are. Maybe then you won't have to drink so much!

May your corroded, evil soul rot in hell,

Love,

your soon-to-be ex

Continuing Strife

My soon to be Ex requested a parley with me over lunch recently. Her lawyer has disappointed her by filing too many briefs and petitions, then charging her the going rate for her services, which is a lot as she is viewed by many as the finest divorce lawyer in town. Turns out this lawyer is excessively combative. Combat costs money. And mi Diablo Esposa doesn't want to spend any more.


So she regained some semblance of reason, dropping the request for child support, half my life savings, and full custody of the kids - even considering a 50-50 split timewise we would spend with the children.


Got the new house fixed up considerably, and am more than ready to have the kids for weeks at a time.


Rather than the she-devil impression she has been putting on lately, the wife now looks like the common, selfish, everyday adulteress. No more. No less. I can deal with that. Such people are common. I can't blame myself for my choice. Nearly half the marriable women out there are just like her. I can't blame her for being, well, average in the commitment department. She didn't meet my high expectations. I am disappointed, but not completely torn up over this turn of events. Bigger catastrophes have happened to less deserving people.


I am thankful I found a church which welcomed me with open arms.


Maybe I can pick up some of the mildewed and smoldering pieces of my previous life, and build a new one...


...and keep biking. With the kids!

More Notes on Divorce

In the opening documents, my sanity was questioned. We rebutted these allegations, but there are those in my family who would like to see me formally evaluated by someone in the mental health field to make my sanity official.

I will review this with my lawyer, and likely will get evaluated if he says so.

The legal process of dissolving a marriage is a slow one. Unfortunately, I have time to sit and think and reflect on my situation. This is not always good. I can harbor some pretty destructive thoughts. I temper these thoughts with the notion that the party opposing me in this divorce has already wrought enough destruction for the both of us. Why should I add to it?

Like I said, I have been a good and dedicated father over the lifetimes of my kids. My wife speaks Ukrainian as her first language. She tried to speak it with the kids, but was around so infrequently, that they can't even utter as sentence of it today. I taught them to speak. My dedication should be rewarded, not penalized.

2/3 of marital assets should go to me. maintenance payments should go to me. I should get 1/2 time with the kids, alternate weeks, once I go to the night shift working 7 days then getting 7 days off. There should be no child support payments to anyone.

My wife's conduct should be taken into account, sleeping with her boyfriend in the presence of the children before we even have a separation agreement in place, much less a finalized divorce decree. Using church property for personal financial gain is also unethical, yet something she had not problem doing, because she exaggerated her problems to our priest, duping him into allowing this use.

I have never, and never will, physically abuse any member of my family. I have never mentally abused any member of my family.

As I said in the previous post, cycling is a healthy safe pastime approved by much mainstream research. We could have easily worked out a compromise on this.

The bottom line is the rich wife had a rich boyfriend and wanted to break up with me to get to him free and clear. She used the cycling habit as a ruse to paint me as crazy to a trusting judge who I would assume is a friend to her lawyer. I sacrificed 1/3 of my life to her and the kids we had. I demand compensation.

Divorce Notes

Why I won't settle for anything less than joint custody of my children:

I settled in a nice little place in town, picked by one of my daughters. It is small, yet has room for all the kids to live comfortably. It is near lots of places to eat, play, and study. By "near", I mean walking distance - 1/2 a mile tops. This affords a busy social life style to any kid who wants one. I can deliver my kids to friends' houses with a very short drive, or allow them to bike/walk the safe back streets.

I always was (and still am) a dedicated father. I changed lots of diapers. I cleaned all the diaper pails. I washed all the diapers. I cooked close to half of all the meals we as a family ate.

If something, anything, in the house broke, it was my responsibility to fix it. I did this competently. I know basic household wiring, drywalling, carpentry, HVAC, and landscaping. I also did a good share, though not always 50%, of the housecleaning. I did essentially 100% of all the outdoor maintenance (gutter cleaning, snow removal, lawn mowing, etc.)

Since I have a better understanding of the sciences and medicine than my wife, I expect to have final say on my childrens' healthcare. My college major was pre-med. I come from a family of highly trained registered American nurses and licensed physicians. The health of my children is a top priority. This is the reason behind my encouragement of outdoor activities, which included learning to bike, and biking frequently. This is the reason I discourage the regular serving of junk meats like sausage and bacon, and overly sweetened processed foods.

I have a better and more intimate knowledge of the American school system tham my wife does. My knowledge is significantly more well-rounded, which puts me in a better position to help out with homework and navigate the school bureaucracies. I am a self-starter who has taught himself several languages and trades without any formal classroom training.

Knowing that I am a good learner outside the classroom. I voluntarily forsook post graduate education for the duration of our marriage in order to free up more time to run our household. This freed up time for my wife to pursue additional college degrees (BA in Accounting, Masters in Taxation). I gave up the possibility of extra income for a better run, more independent household, free of the financial burden of child care.

I was extremely active in our church, and did my best to live by the principles embraced by it, setting the best possible example for my kids. Since my estrangement from Natalia, I will continue to do this in another church.

If permitted, I will continue to be a hands-on parent who attempts to raise motivated, well-rounded independent children who excel both in the classroom and out, making decisions in concert with my soon-to-be former spouse.

More Divorce Events

A lot has happened in the past two months. Papers got served, my family, wrenched from me. My soon to be Ex has hooked up with her old boyfriend. I have a new house in a great neighborhood for raising kids.

The paper service was humiliating. The papers were delivered by a young female sheriff's deputy, accompanied by my wife's boss, and boss' boss, our priest, and our priest's wife. A couple people stood around nervously, while several more whisked the crying children, plus some clothing and toiletries, into cars. I read the pages of the court order in shock at the lying and exaggerating that was put down in them. I was indeed enraged. And very very hurt.

It would have been easy to start up verbal and physical fights and get myself arrested, while perhaps inflicting some injury to my wife and her supporters. This is the wrong thing to do. Now that I am in this position, I understand why some individuals would be driven to do such things. But I am more restrained than that. I avoided confrontation as the rest of the court order was carried out and my family disappeared to an "undisclosed" location. I exiled myself to my fathers house once we sold our old place and while I waited to close on a new place, which is right in town, in a quiet neighborhood with parks, walking distance from the YMCA, schools, and entertainments of all sorts.

During my exileto my father's, I intermittently cycled the 17 mile route to my job to work off frustrations and maintain my sanity. The electric car I purchased, initially as a compromise with my wife to end my excessive cycling, about which she complained in the court order, came in handy, allowing me to see my kids a few hours a week. I was lucky my dad took me in during this time, which lasted about a month.

I am now settling in to my new place. Shortly, I will see more and more of the kids, ultimately having them half the time. My wife's place is about 5 miles away. Not too far. Hopefully this negates the need for anyone to pay anyone "child support".

I have verified through witnesses that my wife is back together with her old flame, with whom she had an affair early in our marriage. I now realize I was a fool to trust this woman. She lacks character and integrity, and is selfish, arrogant, and overly class-conscious. This makes her, in my opinion, a perfect fit for the job in finance she now holds, helping her company withhold proper tax payments to our government by hiding money in offshore tax havens. Deceiving, obfuscating, and lying come naturally to her. Ethics is a foreign word to her vocabulary. Her own father set the standard by lying successfully about his birthday in order to obtain retirement benefits a year early in his native country. I regret to admit that this poor excuse for a human being has full rights to the custody of our children.

So the unfounded allegations against me in the court order and divorce decree were merely a smokescreen used to get me out of the picture so the wife's quivering vagina could hurry up and gobble up the next penis coming for it. I have second hand reports of my kid(s) spending overnights at our (now her, I left that church) priest's house so she could go out, ostensibly to spend time with the boyfriend. This man is now 60 years old, old enough to be her father, and certainly richer than me as he also chose finance as a career (I chose healthcare which is significantly less lucrative than the finance jobs this pair holds). Kids report that he is a "nice guy" "knows lots of riddles".

I am particularly dismayed, incensed that my former priest would actually aid and abet this willful dissolution of a marriage for the sole purpose of the wife being able to resume her affair. This man is morbidly obese, has had unsuccessful bariatric surgery, and harbors prejudice toward outdoor oriented cycling folk like me. He firmly believes cycling with the kids is dangerous. My wife exploited that belief, it seems. I really don't know the reasons behind his actions. I may stop by for a visit and question his motives, belief, what he thinks he knows, etc.

Knowledge is power. Hopefully I can translate this knowledge into a significant financial penalty on my wife for her selfish, and brutal dissection of what once was a happy family, despite all my efforts at reconciliation. I had to go through divorce as a child. I vowed I'd never let it happen to my children, and yet it has. This is one of the main roots of my despair. Any money I win in our divorce battle will be closely held, to be bequeathed to my children, and some to worthy charities. It won't undo the damage my wife is bring upon us, but perhaps it will help.