Three Wishes

Biking is heavy. Nearly every day this month I biked to work. 

Dreams have been interrupted by spotty sleep patterns and heavy stress.

 What a distressing month. A breakup was enough pain. But no, I apparently had more misery on tap whether I wanted it or not.

I had problems with my dad's second spouse's backbiting me, in front of my family, for months, and had resolved to fix them by confronting. The opportunity came when my dad invited me to dinner at a restaurant, and took the offending spouse along. Well, the confrontation went bad in a hurry. I place part of the blame on my tequila induced bluntness. I directly accused this person of mocking my life choices behind my back, without specific examples. The reaction was defiant and hostile, naturally. I muffed the chance at reconciliation. I got insulted repeatedly and taunted at every opportunity. My opinions are known to them, and they scoffed, mocked and disagreed with me disrespectfully every opportunity they got. It was upsetting to say the least. Then they left me to finish my meal alone. Poor dad was caught in the middle. He doesn't have the energy to stand up for himself, much less me, anymore.

What I should have done was gently ask open ended questions about the conversations they have with my kids and siblings when I am not there. What could they have said which would have upset my family into reporting to me about this mocking they repeatedly carried on with multiple times in front my my family? Perhaps we could have gotten to an understanding more peacefully.

Tequila screwed that up. Bad choice on my part. 

My naive attempt to get more visitation with my son got blitzed by my ex and her aggressive lawyer. Her hired thug document server even CAME IN MY HOUSE, against the law, to serve me papers. Very unnerving. Made police report. She sent a 40 page rebuttal of my petition. Will see a lawyer to organize rebuttals to her rebuttals, which, it turns out, are rather flimsy. 

So, triple whammy. I hate to be challenged this way. Anxiety in abundance!  I fantasize having a laid back happy ex who would be willing to expand my visitation and share custody with our only son. Also, my dad with a kinder gentler, less judgmental second spouse would be great. And why not? How about a loving loyal girlfriend who isn't so easily distracted by other guys?

Three Wishes.

Cold winds blow emotionally, heatwave persists meteorologically

 Well, the intense romance ended as quickly as it started. I was manipulated a bit, it seems. It's not clearcut manipulation though. There is some nuance here...

My erstwhile woman was living in her troubled world and reached out initially for a friends with benefits setup. To escape my own troubles, I dove in whole hearted, escaping my troubles, my loneliness. We seemed to click really well together in many ways. We opened our lives to one another. She seemed enthusiastic about everything right up til the end. Complimentary. Loving, I dare say. I did my best to love her back. 

Then, as I helped her unpack from our trip, things dramatically changed. She announced we were breaking up. Mentioned things about my personality she felt were interfering with her fun, and our prospects for a future. And, that was it. Relationship terminated.

IMMEDIATELY THE DAY OF THE BREAKUP she visited a guy. Had a date with him. Clearly there were things she didn't tell me which prompted the breakup. Guy met the kids a few days later. He was overnighting with her when I dropped off her things a few days after that. Seems she was just lusting after another guy, and didn't want to make the breakup simply about "I want more and different sex from someone else." She had to throw red herrings out there to justify it in her own mind.

It was a bit cruel how it went down. She was always volatile, but in hindsight I see things deteriorating a bit the final weeks. Her brain is in turmoil. Fights with relatives. Fights with kids. Fights with ex. Medicated for anxiety/depression. Reliance on alcohol, and weed. An aversion to exercise. Would be interesting to view her thoughts. I'm sure they are anything but peaceful. I suppose she feels she negotiated the end in the most merciful way possible, but it still was significantly hellish for me: withdrawal, grief, shock, etc.

I had dreams during the final week of our fling. The most memorable was a scene where she and I were talking. I was trying to gently talk her through something, and she was reacting very strongly and sternly, making me feel I was failing in my efforts to get through to her. Foreshadowing...

Next chapter... when to start? Want to avoid rebound relationship consequences. Maybe that's a myth. 

Biked all seven days to work immediately after the breakup. Bike is working well. Definitely got my money's worth out of it.

Am contemplating a new bike for my son. 

More dreams and biking news soon...