Well, the intense romance ended as quickly as it started. I was manipulated a bit, it seems. It's not clearcut manipulation though. There is some nuance here...
My erstwhile woman was living in her troubled world and reached out initially for a friends with benefits setup. To escape my own troubles, I dove in whole hearted, escaping my troubles, my loneliness. We seemed to click really well together in many ways. We opened our lives to one another. She seemed enthusiastic about everything right up til the end. Complimentary. Loving, I dare say. I did my best to love her back.
Then, as I helped her unpack from our trip, things dramatically changed. She announced we were breaking up. Mentioned things about my personality she felt were interfering with her fun, and our prospects for a future. And, that was it. Relationship terminated.
IMMEDIATELY THE DAY OF THE BREAKUP she visited a guy. Had a date with him. Clearly there were things she didn't tell me which prompted the breakup. Guy met the kids a few days later. He was overnighting with her when I dropped off her things a few days after that. Seems she was just lusting after another guy, and didn't want to make the breakup simply about "I want more and different sex from someone else." She had to throw red herrings out there to justify it in her own mind.
It was a bit cruel how it went down. She was always volatile, but in hindsight I see things deteriorating a bit the final weeks. Her brain is in turmoil. Fights with relatives. Fights with kids. Fights with ex. Medicated for anxiety/depression. Reliance on alcohol, and weed. An aversion to exercise. Would be interesting to view her thoughts. I'm sure they are anything but peaceful. I suppose she feels she negotiated the end in the most merciful way possible, but it still was significantly hellish for me: withdrawal, grief, shock, etc.
I had dreams during the final week of our fling. The most memorable was a scene where she and I were talking. I was trying to gently talk her through something, and she was reacting very strongly and sternly, making me feel I was failing in my efforts to get through to her. Foreshadowing...
Next chapter... when to start? Want to avoid rebound relationship consequences. Maybe that's a myth.
Biked all seven days to work immediately after the breakup. Bike is working well. Definitely got my money's worth out of it.
Am contemplating a new bike for my son.
More dreams and biking news soon...
No comments:
Post a Comment