Life continues to be a challenge. I miss Julie, though I know she won't be coming back. Custody battle continues, with its manifold side effects which negatively impact my efforts at parenting. A traffic stop on my bicycle has complicated my life further. I have misgivings about my children going for their MDs, and that has turned family members against me. And through it all, I keep biking to work.
First, I do desire female companionship. I hesitate to even try to seek someone out, as I know my lifestyle is not attractive to most. I work out hard. I only rarely drink. I monomaniacally conserve energy, in an effort at a better world for my kids. Monks live more pleasurable lives than I do. So I hold back, and feel melancholy about it.
The ex continues her court pursuit of full custody. The meals are not healthy enough, according to her. This is untrue. Among other efforts, I grow vegetables in the garden and send them to the ex to help feed our kids. I take them to church, and they complain. This gets twisted around into a complaint in the court petition. I feel handcuffed in my powers for disciplining them. I ask them to do chores, and they ignore me or outright refuse. The 64 degree thermostat made it into the petition. It's 68 in their bedrooms at that temp setting. If I exact punishments, this shows up in complaints to the court too. This is the biggest pain in my life.
I installed lights on a bike to ride it home at night so my daughter would have it to ride to work the following morning. The on/off button for the new taillight was in an odd place, so I missed it trying to turn it on. Painted Post Village cop noticed this, and pulled me over, getting angry when I asked him why I was pulled over. He lost his cool and went fishing for other things wrong with my daughter's bike, like the presence/absence of a bell. Now I am facing a court fight over these tickets. I pled not guilty. My current dilemma is whether or not to contact the DA's office to negotiate the tickets, or to await a trial.
I see how overpaid and underworked our MDs are, as I've worked in the healthcare field 26 years, and how incompetent and inattentive they are. I would not want my children to join that crowd. I am too vocal about this. My father was an MD. A proud MD. My rhetoric has rubbed him the wrong way, provoking him to belittle the field I am in. I should just keep quiet.
The cycling keeps me sane. I feel I am saving energy for my kids' future, plus I get a small workout. The hostile drivers are infrequent enough that this routine is overall beneficial to my life.
God please, I beg you for a more peaceful, gentle, loving life than what is going on now. Help me change enough to accommodate the existence of the proper components to make this a reality,
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