I have settled into a routine. One week with the kids as a single parent, but no work. One week working 10.5 hr days.
I cycle to work with my 5+ year old bike a couple times a week on average. Work is steady, and secure. For now.
Drivers and passengers pretty much ignore me now. The wide open 6 mile commute gives everyone way more space than the old shoulder-to-shoulder, traffic-signal-saturated confines of Pulteney St to Denison Pkwy. No one is frustrated enough to roll a window down and yell or throw things at me.
Money is good. Favorable divorce judgement is the big factor there.
I work out like a fiend. 5 days a week. Weights. Rowing. Swimming. Keeps me sane in an insane world which seems bent on destroying what's left of our natural resources for personal pleasure and consumption.
Keeping away from women now. From what I see it is highly unlikely I can find someone who'll put up with me and I, her, for the long term.
I enjoy the interactions with my kids. Just completed a vacation to Virginia Beach - Busch Gardens - Chincoteague Island. It had its ups and downs. Saw old friends and relatives on the way.
Summer was dry until mid August, then the floodgates opened. What was looking to be a meager harvest turned suddenly bountiful. I have more vegetables than I can handle now! Plants did a wonderful job bouncing back and overcoming adverse conditions.
I need to follow the plants' example.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Sunday, November 15, 2015
The End - I'm Free!
Last week the final judgement on my divorce trial was handed down. It gave me far more than I was asking for in negotiations. It was exceedingly fair.
The judge, a woman, saw through my wife's accusations, and applied impartial, if imperfect, NY law in resolving our dispute.
Rather than every other weekend, I now will be seeing my kids alternate weeks, the custody status shifting from primary (mother) to joint custody. This triggers child support payments from my ex wife, whose income is 3 times mine, to me.
An inheritance from my grandfather, which in negotiations was to be split, is now 100% mine. I am also to receive a lump sum payment from my ex, equalizing our retirement plans.
As the divorce final trial date neared, women began to crawl out of the wood work to flirt with me. I now have a new girlfriend, younger, prettier than my now bitter ex!
To get to court, I biked 6 miles in the rain from work to home before hopping in my car to complete the remaining 20 miles to the courthouse.
Seems appropriate, since biking and commuting are my stated themes for this blog.
The drivers were courteous that day....
The judge, a woman, saw through my wife's accusations, and applied impartial, if imperfect, NY law in resolving our dispute.
Rather than every other weekend, I now will be seeing my kids alternate weeks, the custody status shifting from primary (mother) to joint custody. This triggers child support payments from my ex wife, whose income is 3 times mine, to me.
An inheritance from my grandfather, which in negotiations was to be split, is now 100% mine. I am also to receive a lump sum payment from my ex, equalizing our retirement plans.
As the divorce final trial date neared, women began to crawl out of the wood work to flirt with me. I now have a new girlfriend, younger, prettier than my now bitter ex!
To get to court, I biked 6 miles in the rain from work to home before hopping in my car to complete the remaining 20 miles to the courthouse.
Seems appropriate, since biking and commuting are my stated themes for this blog.
The drivers were courteous that day....
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Out in the Cold
It's been a harsh winter so far. I haven't been cycling so much. I get out when I can. Now that work is 6 miles away, I changed my standards for cycling to work. In a nutshell: the roads must likely be dry for the next 12 hours as I leave. Last time we had dry roads, it was 5 degrees fahrenheit! So I grew an ice beard over 6 miles of cycling. I enjoyed it.
No real problems with motorists lately. Maybe this is due to large problems (see previous posts) afflicting me of late...
I do walk more. I did get catcalls from a group of teens near the high school. Not a problem.
Would be nice if the tobacco companies invented and sold only cigarettes whose butts would bounce back off the ground and into the car from which they were thrown.
No real problems with motorists lately. Maybe this is due to large problems (see previous posts) afflicting me of late...
I do walk more. I did get catcalls from a group of teens near the high school. Not a problem.
Would be nice if the tobacco companies invented and sold only cigarettes whose butts would bounce back off the ground and into the car from which they were thrown.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Marital Carnage Continues.
Dear (almost ex)Wife
When we met a couple decades ago, we were in love. You knew what I was. I haven't changed much. What happened to you?
Why did you hide the monster within for so long, only to unleash it when we were so far down the road that insane amounts of damage to us and our kids is inevitable? If I had known the ruthless, unscrupulous competitor within you could possibly turn against me, I would have dropped you like a hot potato, and moved on.
Why the false accusations of mental illness? Was it a smokescreen thrown by you and your lawyer to deflect attention from your own shortcomings only long enough for you to gain leverage in this bitter battle you wrought upon all 5 of us? What are you gaining from this? Your increased alcohol consumption certainly isn't out of joy. And sleeping with the first penis to come schlumpfing by after breaking from me certainly isn't cause for any of the family to celebrate. You look in the mirror and continue to see a fat person, and wreck your diet as a consequence, with addictions to caffeine and Senokot. You will deny it all, of course. Addicts always deny.
I want 50% of our marital funds. In addition, I want to retain a fair amount which corresponds to the life savings I grew as a single man which bought our first house. I want to retain the small inheritance I got from my grandfather, so I can continue to grow it and use it for my legacy. You make 3 times as much as I do now, why do you need half of what is not rightly yours? Spousal support and child support payments from you to me certainly wouldn't hurt either.
I never hurt the kids. I encouraged good behavior and good diets and exercise. Unlike you, I set GUIDELINES for them to follow. I was careful in administering medical care - only when needed - your spurious exaggerations to the court notwithstanding. I work one week and take off alternate weeks. I want the children on my off weeks. 50% visitation. I played a huge part in their upbringing and would like to continue to do so. We can do this. We live in the same school district. I have the living space. It will be so much better for them than bouncing around from baby sitter to baby sitter, then living with a strange man old enough to be their grandfather, when they're on your time.
I never forced you to ride your bike EVERYWHERE. I certainly encouraged you to ride whenever possible. You quit when you wanted to. I care about the world I bequeath to my children. We're polluting it so fast right now, there really isn't much hope. Best we can do is lead by example. The excuse "my actions won't make a difference" is pathetic. When it does become too late, and the world as we know it is destroyed, the survivors will look back on us and wonder why we were so stupid. Perhaps my descendants will look back on me as someone who cared, someone with foresight and determination. Seems it is too late for you. You drank the kool-aid of decadence. You are just another black mark of shame among black marks which stain our hedonistic society. My caring about the world I live in is NOT mental illness. It is a VIRTUE meant to be bequeathed to my progeny, for if they don't care, who will? With clear sanity, I choose NOT to follow the decadent herd, on their insane course, over the cliff of oblivion.
Cycling is not only good for the environment, it is safe. It is safe compared to horseback riding. It is safe compared to gymnastics and soccer. I agree children should be exposed to a certain amount of risk so they can learn to get on in this world. There is NOTHING wrong with me taking them for bike rides of any sort, errands or just for fun! How DARE you try to restrict, even eliminate, my chances of having a ride with my own kids!? If I can tolerate you signing them up for all manner of dangerous sports, you can tolerate my cycling with them. It's called COMPROMISE. Get used to it. They're MY kids, too. I'm not going anywhere!
Your sick game-playing with the children, letting them see me, then preventing them from seeing me, using that lame lop-sided court order you gained by dishonest means, will ultimately be held against you. Blackmail might be tolerated in that miserable cess-pool of a country you come from, but it does not go over well in these parts.
I hope that miserable sad-sack of a man you are shacking up with now leaves you soon. I hope this for his sake. No one, not even one as pathetic as he, deserves the eventual tortures of living with a disgusting, lying, vainglorious narcissist like you. The old man will get tired of making you happy (you think we exist to make you happy, but happiness is a choice!), the honeymoon period will wear off, and you will be alone, and the world will be a better place for it.
Your warped views on marriage and religion will eventually be outed, and the people at our old congregation will eventually find out the real you. Some of them already have, but are keeping their judgements to themselves as good Christians do. Be honest with yourself. Be the Atheist you really are. Maybe then you won't have to drink so much!
May your corroded, evil soul rot in hell,
Love,
your soon-to-be ex
When we met a couple decades ago, we were in love. You knew what I was. I haven't changed much. What happened to you?
Why did you hide the monster within for so long, only to unleash it when we were so far down the road that insane amounts of damage to us and our kids is inevitable? If I had known the ruthless, unscrupulous competitor within you could possibly turn against me, I would have dropped you like a hot potato, and moved on.
Why the false accusations of mental illness? Was it a smokescreen thrown by you and your lawyer to deflect attention from your own shortcomings only long enough for you to gain leverage in this bitter battle you wrought upon all 5 of us? What are you gaining from this? Your increased alcohol consumption certainly isn't out of joy. And sleeping with the first penis to come schlumpfing by after breaking from me certainly isn't cause for any of the family to celebrate. You look in the mirror and continue to see a fat person, and wreck your diet as a consequence, with addictions to caffeine and Senokot. You will deny it all, of course. Addicts always deny.
I want 50% of our marital funds. In addition, I want to retain a fair amount which corresponds to the life savings I grew as a single man which bought our first house. I want to retain the small inheritance I got from my grandfather, so I can continue to grow it and use it for my legacy. You make 3 times as much as I do now, why do you need half of what is not rightly yours? Spousal support and child support payments from you to me certainly wouldn't hurt either.
I never hurt the kids. I encouraged good behavior and good diets and exercise. Unlike you, I set GUIDELINES for them to follow. I was careful in administering medical care - only when needed - your spurious exaggerations to the court notwithstanding. I work one week and take off alternate weeks. I want the children on my off weeks. 50% visitation. I played a huge part in their upbringing and would like to continue to do so. We can do this. We live in the same school district. I have the living space. It will be so much better for them than bouncing around from baby sitter to baby sitter, then living with a strange man old enough to be their grandfather, when they're on your time.
I never forced you to ride your bike EVERYWHERE. I certainly encouraged you to ride whenever possible. You quit when you wanted to. I care about the world I bequeath to my children. We're polluting it so fast right now, there really isn't much hope. Best we can do is lead by example. The excuse "my actions won't make a difference" is pathetic. When it does become too late, and the world as we know it is destroyed, the survivors will look back on us and wonder why we were so stupid. Perhaps my descendants will look back on me as someone who cared, someone with foresight and determination. Seems it is too late for you. You drank the kool-aid of decadence. You are just another black mark of shame among black marks which stain our hedonistic society. My caring about the world I live in is NOT mental illness. It is a VIRTUE meant to be bequeathed to my progeny, for if they don't care, who will? With clear sanity, I choose NOT to follow the decadent herd, on their insane course, over the cliff of oblivion.
Cycling is not only good for the environment, it is safe. It is safe compared to horseback riding. It is safe compared to gymnastics and soccer. I agree children should be exposed to a certain amount of risk so they can learn to get on in this world. There is NOTHING wrong with me taking them for bike rides of any sort, errands or just for fun! How DARE you try to restrict, even eliminate, my chances of having a ride with my own kids!? If I can tolerate you signing them up for all manner of dangerous sports, you can tolerate my cycling with them. It's called COMPROMISE. Get used to it. They're MY kids, too. I'm not going anywhere!
Your sick game-playing with the children, letting them see me, then preventing them from seeing me, using that lame lop-sided court order you gained by dishonest means, will ultimately be held against you. Blackmail might be tolerated in that miserable cess-pool of a country you come from, but it does not go over well in these parts.
I hope that miserable sad-sack of a man you are shacking up with now leaves you soon. I hope this for his sake. No one, not even one as pathetic as he, deserves the eventual tortures of living with a disgusting, lying, vainglorious narcissist like you. The old man will get tired of making you happy (you think we exist to make you happy, but happiness is a choice!), the honeymoon period will wear off, and you will be alone, and the world will be a better place for it.
Your warped views on marriage and religion will eventually be outed, and the people at our old congregation will eventually find out the real you. Some of them already have, but are keeping their judgements to themselves as good Christians do. Be honest with yourself. Be the Atheist you really are. Maybe then you won't have to drink so much!
May your corroded, evil soul rot in hell,
Love,
your soon-to-be ex
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Continuing Strife
My soon to be Ex requested a parley with me over lunch recently. Her lawyer has disappointed her by filing too many briefs and petitions, then charging her the going rate for her services, which is a lot as she is viewed by many as the finest divorce lawyer in town. Turns out this lawyer is excessively combative. Combat costs money. And mi Diablo Esposa doesn't want to spend any more.
So she regained some semblance of reason, dropping the request for child support, half my life savings, and full custody of the kids - even considering a 50-50 split timewise we would spend with the children.
Got the new house fixed up considerably, and am more than ready to have the kids for weeks at a time.
Rather than the she-devil impression she has been putting on lately, the wife now looks like the common, selfish, everyday adulteress. No more. No less. I can deal with that. Such people are common. I can't blame myself for my choice. Nearly half the marriable women out there are just like her. I can't blame her for being, well, average in the commitment department. She didn't meet my high expectations. I am disappointed, but not completely torn up over this turn of events. Bigger catastrophes have happened to less deserving people.
I am thankful I found a church which welcomed me with open arms.
Maybe I can pick up some of the mildewed and smoldering pieces of my previous life, and build a new one...
...and keep biking. With the kids!
So she regained some semblance of reason, dropping the request for child support, half my life savings, and full custody of the kids - even considering a 50-50 split timewise we would spend with the children.
Got the new house fixed up considerably, and am more than ready to have the kids for weeks at a time.
Rather than the she-devil impression she has been putting on lately, the wife now looks like the common, selfish, everyday adulteress. No more. No less. I can deal with that. Such people are common. I can't blame myself for my choice. Nearly half the marriable women out there are just like her. I can't blame her for being, well, average in the commitment department. She didn't meet my high expectations. I am disappointed, but not completely torn up over this turn of events. Bigger catastrophes have happened to less deserving people.
I am thankful I found a church which welcomed me with open arms.
Maybe I can pick up some of the mildewed and smoldering pieces of my previous life, and build a new one...
...and keep biking. With the kids!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
More Notes on Divorce
In the opening documents, my sanity was questioned. We rebutted these allegations, but there are those in my family who would like to see me formally evaluated by someone in the mental health field to make my sanity official.
I will review this with my lawyer, and likely will get evaluated if he says so.
The legal process of dissolving a marriage is a slow one. Unfortunately, I have time to sit and think and reflect on my situation. This is not always good. I can harbor some pretty destructive thoughts. I temper these thoughts with the notion that the party opposing me in this divorce has already wrought enough destruction for the both of us. Why should I add to it?
Like I said, I have been a good and dedicated father over the lifetimes of my kids. My wife speaks Ukrainian as her first language. She tried to speak it with the kids, but was around so infrequently, that they can't even utter as sentence of it today. I taught them to speak. My dedication should be rewarded, not penalized.
2/3 of marital assets should go to me. maintenance payments should go to me. I should get 1/2 time with the kids, alternate weeks, once I go to the night shift working 7 days then getting 7 days off. There should be no child support payments to anyone.
My wife's conduct should be taken into account, sleeping with her boyfriend in the presence of the children before we even have a separation agreement in place, much less a finalized divorce decree. Using church property for personal financial gain is also unethical, yet something she had not problem doing, because she exaggerated her problems to our priest, duping him into allowing this use.
I have never, and never will, physically abuse any member of my family. I have never mentally abused any member of my family.
As I said in the previous post, cycling is a healthy safe pastime approved by much mainstream research. We could have easily worked out a compromise on this.
The bottom line is the rich wife had a rich boyfriend and wanted to break up with me to get to him free and clear. She used the cycling habit as a ruse to paint me as crazy to a trusting judge who I would assume is a friend to her lawyer. I sacrificed 1/3 of my life to her and the kids we had. I demand compensation.
I will review this with my lawyer, and likely will get evaluated if he says so.
The legal process of dissolving a marriage is a slow one. Unfortunately, I have time to sit and think and reflect on my situation. This is not always good. I can harbor some pretty destructive thoughts. I temper these thoughts with the notion that the party opposing me in this divorce has already wrought enough destruction for the both of us. Why should I add to it?
Like I said, I have been a good and dedicated father over the lifetimes of my kids. My wife speaks Ukrainian as her first language. She tried to speak it with the kids, but was around so infrequently, that they can't even utter as sentence of it today. I taught them to speak. My dedication should be rewarded, not penalized.
2/3 of marital assets should go to me. maintenance payments should go to me. I should get 1/2 time with the kids, alternate weeks, once I go to the night shift working 7 days then getting 7 days off. There should be no child support payments to anyone.
My wife's conduct should be taken into account, sleeping with her boyfriend in the presence of the children before we even have a separation agreement in place, much less a finalized divorce decree. Using church property for personal financial gain is also unethical, yet something she had not problem doing, because she exaggerated her problems to our priest, duping him into allowing this use.
I have never, and never will, physically abuse any member of my family. I have never mentally abused any member of my family.
As I said in the previous post, cycling is a healthy safe pastime approved by much mainstream research. We could have easily worked out a compromise on this.
The bottom line is the rich wife had a rich boyfriend and wanted to break up with me to get to him free and clear. She used the cycling habit as a ruse to paint me as crazy to a trusting judge who I would assume is a friend to her lawyer. I sacrificed 1/3 of my life to her and the kids we had. I demand compensation.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Divorce Notes
Why I won't settle for anything less than joint custody of my children:
I settled in a nice little place in town, picked by one of my daughters. It is small, yet has room for all the kids to live comfortably. It is near lots of places to eat, play, and study. By "near", I mean walking distance - 1/2 a mile tops. This affords a busy social life style to any kid who wants one. I can deliver my kids to friends' houses with a very short drive, or allow them to bike/walk the safe back streets.
I always was (and still am) a dedicated father. I changed lots of diapers. I cleaned all the diaper pails. I washed all the diapers. I cooked close to half of all the meals we as a family ate.
If something, anything, in the house broke, it was my responsibility to fix it. I did this competently. I know basic household wiring, drywalling, carpentry, HVAC, and landscaping. I also did a good share, though not always 50%, of the housecleaning. I did essentially 100% of all the outdoor maintenance (gutter cleaning, snow removal, lawn mowing, etc.)
Since I have a better understanding of the sciences and medicine than my wife, I expect to have final say on my childrens' healthcare. My college major was pre-med. I come from a family of highly trained registered American nurses and licensed physicians. The health of my children is a top priority. This is the reason behind my encouragement of outdoor activities, which included learning to bike, and biking frequently. This is the reason I discourage the regular serving of junk meats like sausage and bacon, and overly sweetened processed foods.
I have a better and more intimate knowledge of the American school system tham my wife does. My knowledge is significantly more well-rounded, which puts me in a better position to help out with homework and navigate the school bureaucracies. I am a self-starter who has taught himself several languages and trades without any formal classroom training.
Knowing that I am a good learner outside the classroom. I voluntarily forsook post graduate education for the duration of our marriage in order to free up more time to run our household. This freed up time for my wife to pursue additional college degrees (BA in Accounting, Masters in Taxation). I gave up the possibility of extra income for a better run, more independent household, free of the financial burden of child care.
I was extremely active in our church, and did my best to live by the principles embraced by it, setting the best possible example for my kids. Since my estrangement from Natalia, I will continue to do this in another church.
If permitted, I will continue to be a hands-on parent who attempts to raise motivated, well-rounded independent children who excel both in the classroom and out, making decisions in concert with my soon-to-be former spouse.
I settled in a nice little place in town, picked by one of my daughters. It is small, yet has room for all the kids to live comfortably. It is near lots of places to eat, play, and study. By "near", I mean walking distance - 1/2 a mile tops. This affords a busy social life style to any kid who wants one. I can deliver my kids to friends' houses with a very short drive, or allow them to bike/walk the safe back streets.
I always was (and still am) a dedicated father. I changed lots of diapers. I cleaned all the diaper pails. I washed all the diapers. I cooked close to half of all the meals we as a family ate.
If something, anything, in the house broke, it was my responsibility to fix it. I did this competently. I know basic household wiring, drywalling, carpentry, HVAC, and landscaping. I also did a good share, though not always 50%, of the housecleaning. I did essentially 100% of all the outdoor maintenance (gutter cleaning, snow removal, lawn mowing, etc.)
Since I have a better understanding of the sciences and medicine than my wife, I expect to have final say on my childrens' healthcare. My college major was pre-med. I come from a family of highly trained registered American nurses and licensed physicians. The health of my children is a top priority. This is the reason behind my encouragement of outdoor activities, which included learning to bike, and biking frequently. This is the reason I discourage the regular serving of junk meats like sausage and bacon, and overly sweetened processed foods.
I have a better and more intimate knowledge of the American school system tham my wife does. My knowledge is significantly more well-rounded, which puts me in a better position to help out with homework and navigate the school bureaucracies. I am a self-starter who has taught himself several languages and trades without any formal classroom training.
Knowing that I am a good learner outside the classroom. I voluntarily forsook post graduate education for the duration of our marriage in order to free up more time to run our household. This freed up time for my wife to pursue additional college degrees (BA in Accounting, Masters in Taxation). I gave up the possibility of extra income for a better run, more independent household, free of the financial burden of child care.
I was extremely active in our church, and did my best to live by the principles embraced by it, setting the best possible example for my kids. Since my estrangement from Natalia, I will continue to do this in another church.
If permitted, I will continue to be a hands-on parent who attempts to raise motivated, well-rounded independent children who excel both in the classroom and out, making decisions in concert with my soon-to-be former spouse.
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